


byakuya family therapy

by Mirviana, Senseiiii



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Hunter X Hunter, Popee the Performer (Anime), Super Dangan Ronpa 2, Tokyo Ghoul, 大海原と大海原 | Oounabara to Wadanohara | Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea
Genre: Gen, hello naughty children it's therapy time, the wildest crossover imaginable
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-03-28 23:24:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3873823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirviana/pseuds/Mirviana, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Senseiiii/pseuds/Senseiiii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>togami gets a job; babysitting angry piss babies who arent even in the same show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. money.  and intros.  and violence.

**Author's Note:**

> we need jesus.  
> also the tsukiyama in this fic is anime tsukiyama bc manga tsukiyama is literally flawless and wouldn't fit in in this crowd okay okay

"sit ur dingle dangles down it's time to start therapy"

one by one all of todays fucked up patients sat down in their chairs even though they didn't have to do it in order like that literally they all could have just sat down at the same time wtf

but as requested by komaeda, the fluffy little shit who gets boners for hope and hinata, they must be in hopely order. whatever that means. very important, 10/10 would hope again.

but popee was a little shit and didn't wait his turn.

he never does. even as a kid he cut in line to slide down the slide. but this time it was mostly because he wasnt paying attention to komaeda and his hope boner.

he was more concerned for his knives and bombs.

he had to give them up at the door before entering the building. were they okay? he missed them.

everyone else got to keep their weapons tho. what bullshit am i right ladies?

i mean, some of their weapons couldn't be removed, like tsukiyamas drill-dick arm and komaedas pointy ass hair.

hisoka had cards.

yeh.

secretly popee admires his weapon senpais, but he's got too much of a big dick to admit that.

once everyone was seated gayly in their seats, the lights turned off all except for a spotlight, where togami was floated down from the ceiling in a dramatic way bc he has the money for it. speaking of money, it was falling all around him as he descended he is rich af. komaeda is used to this.

he floated down to his seat but he wasn't done yet,he leaned back and pulled a cord that wasnt there before but whatever writer logic and water splashed onto him

but he didn't get wet because byakuya togami is waterproof didn't you know?

he is also unable to shower.

the daily struggles of togamu.

good thing he can rub money on his naked body to stay clean or at least he'll smell like money.

popee and tsukiyaAAA were collecting the money but they didnt leave their seats. their arms are just really long.

hisoka doesn't care about the monies. he just doesn't ca r e. he pays with his remarkable ass.

or something like that.

plus this money isn't the money they use in his world.

how the fuck did they even get here anyways??

probably because togami has money out the dick and can make miracles. kind of like a tooth fairy. i want fanart of tooth fairy togami on my desk by 9 o'clock.

who is making togami work?,

togami sits up. looks around..

and goes, even tho everyones seated, "SIT YER DANG BUTTS 

DOWN"

"oui oui calmato kaneki kun" frenches tsukiyama. nboody undertsnad.

"stfu frenchie"

who done it?????'

iT WAS,

 

the other french man who isn't actually french but lookks like he could be

hisoka!!!!!!!1

he currently has 72 playing cards up his ass. his new record. he's in a good mood today,

ofc for hisoka a good mood just means he's goonna stab people a little less often with his dick (literally)

that's why he's in therapy today.

"u wanna go punk ill 420 no scope ur sweet ass" winked tsukiyama. Tsukiyama is vry offended but his gay nature makes him flirt with literally everything,

"ill fuckign kill u both" says the harmless looking bunny shota-bara man, popee the performer. yes that's his full name. he also goes by herold smith, but we don't talk about that..

"pls kill me" says ko. end his suffering. :^)

that smiley emoji is his literal face rn. he looks very happy but on the inside he feels like spagetti when u leave it in the pot for too long and it gets too soggy and u have to throw it out bc who wants to eat soggy noodles.

"no stfu" said all of them, even ko to himself.

"ok..."

"OKay."

"i cant read" says rich man. that's his other name,

instead he bangs pots and pans together to get the attention of all the little homos in the room,

"SHUT HTE FUCK UP PEASANTS" he yolled.

he sits down calmly,, and looks to the first person in line, tsukiyama.

"tell me about u"

"i am the frnehc"

togami just stares at him

"is that even a fuckign word you purple dildo" 

"no. ;^)"

"stop."

"oui"

next in line is hisoka.

"tell me about u now"

"all according to keikaku*" hisoka hisoaks.  
*translator note; keikaku means plan*

togami, who knows up to 420 different languages challenged him to a fite. "u wanna go"

hisoka cannot hear him. he's at least 28 and has hearing problems like the old man he is.

"can we hurry this up, i need to put more wild colors into my hair" hisoka says like an emo teenager. tfw hisoka.

"stfu ur hair is an eyesore" challenges the wild togami. he wants to battle but hisoka doessnt have a boner for him.

"nah son ur too smoll" says the highwaysoaker. poor togami doesnt have enough bara points to fight the hisoak.

togami then got puffy like ur too poor anyway and turned away to who was next and it was,,

 

the komaeda.

"i already kno whats wrong with u but tell me anyway"

"im hopeless trash but u,,, u shine with it can i touch ur hopenis" komaeda no that's gay.

"ew"

after that awkward hope exchange torgami turned to popee, the final frontier.

he was so angry bc he was last. he's always angry. never happy unless someone (kedamono) is in pain (or papi, sometimes)

but anyway,

he started to talk about himself before togami could even ask, wow how rude.

"my name is popee the performer, performer pronounced 'purr-fuh-ect'", he explained, but he fucked up because that sounds like perfucked if you say it right. but he can believe thats smooth.

"and first of all i live in a fuckign circus in the middle of the desert with a dog and my gay dad. and my dad is better at anything i do. so is my dog. and the only tv station we have is porn sent down from aliens." it sounds like he has father issues.

and yiff problems.

togami doesn't care.

komaeda did though, reaching over and patting his shoulder from at least 5 feet away wtf the fuck. "stay strong and believe in hope"

popee bit him.


	2. the hell continues and the rapture or something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we introduce two new characters! only one of them stays but who care.  
> and you thought the FIRST chapter was good, just wait until you read this shit  
> BEHOLD  
> TOGAMI AND FRIENDS AND THE RAPTURE OF NO REAL IMPORTANCE.

now that that shit was over with... everybody came back whenever the fuck and it was time for another session of hell. and pain. and agony. you get my point.

it's been five weeks after the rapture or something, togami just didn't have time for anything. not even money.

well, there's always time for money.

but now he has returned from his looong money hiatus. naegi told him to get off his fat pretty nipples.

they all just kind of swagged inside while everything burned outside or whatever happens during raptures, but with komaeda came a new friend. he wasn't invited, god dammit komaeda. togami stared at him with his sharp tsundere anime desu eyes. 

they sparkled with rage.

"who the fuck is this you fuckbucket." togami togami'd.

"look at this nice man i found! he's a shark. a land shark!" komaeda.... komaeda'd?

every single one of them, including togami, asked their hope friend, "how much did you pay for him?" all at once.

"i gave him a dollar! only one!"

the shark-man-thing pulled out five cents. komaeda is a big liar.

this wasn't america, so this money was pretty much nothing to both the shark and komaeda. nobody understands why he has it. nobody understands.

"What if I gave you... a lot of my jenny for him?" Hisoka suggested, pulling out a few pieces of paper that were drawn on in crayon, because what the fuck is jenny.

"HUISOAK" tsukiyama shouted for no reason. he's right next to you, tsukiyama. just turn to him and talk about your feelings, it doesn't have to be like this oh god. he forgot he was there. his best friend, maybe. how dare he.

popee opened his mouth to speak but he was cut off by the rich man waving his money around. "ORDER IN THE COURT!" togami yelled.

"No, fuck you." the clown-jester-whatever-the-fuck protested, "I'm taking over now."

"listen here you clown-jelly. i have the money here, not your fucking buckets and women named jenny."

"am i going to be able to introduce meself?" the shark bubbled, there was a tank on his head so he dont die. nobody listened.

while togami and hisoka argued and tsukiyama jacked his baguette probably. slowly. sensually. he likes to do that before he eats people food.

Hisoka rips it out of his hands and takes a bite.

shuu weeps softly, mumbling the french as Hisoka returns it by throwing it at his face.

it kind of bounces off and hits the floor with a soft baguette sound. you couldn't hear it, but "mmm whatcha say" was playing in shuu's mind. cry for him.

popee was getting tired of being ignored when he saw the free food. papi never feeds him, and kedamono just doesn't taste the same anymore. wolf meat isn't that good anyways.

he launched out of his chair like a rocket, his tail was on fire or at least it just looked like it to give it that rocket effect. what the fuck is a popeee. he grabs the baguette in his mouth like some sort of animal and then jumps out the window.

he shouted something, but it couldn't be heard as he fell from the 500th story. it sounded something along the lines of "goodbye", but it also could be taken as "i like pie" or "i won't die" or "i cry". nobody really cared that much except for togami.

"i have to pay for that!" togami gobbled angrily like a rich person. "alright sharkboy, you're our replacement classmate."

"i'm glad he assured us that he won't die." tsukiyama frenched, over his baguette now that it was gone.

"i thought he said he liked pie!" komaeda said hopefully.

"obergjfuruifehwnkv,e34h5yh4uy3tgerhy457"

"who the fuck was that?" they all asked.

Hisoka recognized the voice. Yes, it was clear as day. There was no mistaking it.

"It was the authors, silly!" He said gayly, waving his claw hand. Hisoka is now a stereotypical homosexual male. Just like he always tried to hide.

all of the sudden, the door broke down into exactly 1000 pieces. it was none other than.... kuki urie! or urie kuki. who cares.

"IS THIS THE MISUNDERSTOOD CHARACTERS CONFERENCE?" urie shouted pissily. like popee, he was always angry, but he actually had a reason to be angry.

"NO! go the fuck away yoou grape fucker, we already have someone from your animu." togami yelled back but in lowercase. "now go home, we're getting married tomorrow."

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU!" urie yuried.

"yes you do we've banged at least 3.5 tiomes." and togami was right.

urie gets quiet. everyone else gasps in shock, but he just shrugs and leaves. that's the end of urie kuki..... kuki urie.

he's dead now.

anyways,

the shark man has not spokeb his story so we can't end this shitstorm yet.

or can we?

find out next time on dragon ball Z. i mean byakuya family therapy. pls no copyright ban.  
we're not making money off of this.

if we were we'd be finanical wizards, probably. i mean look at this shit we keep putting up. i haven't written a single serious story in 10,000 years, and Senseiiii was born yesterday! we get into a skype call and write this shit up in 30 minutes or less. we're monsters and you all keep feeding the heLL/

shut up Mirviana.

anywho.

"uello i am sal the shark!" the shark man sharked. "and i am not a sonic character!"

nobody believed him.

Hisoka looked over at him with those super sharp eyes of his. His eyes are yellow and he has small irises. He should go to an eye doctor. "I'm still willing to buy you, you know. You can come home with me and we can play with my bungee gum, which has the properties of both rubber and gum."

"stfu" togami furried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> popee still hasn't hit the ground


End file.
